Saturday, 20 March 2010

While looking for something else...

I found an old file in my notes. You may or may not know that in rock-climbing, if you find a new and previously unclimbed way up a bit of rock, you're entitled to name the route. The names typically do tell you something about the nature of the climb but also the humour of the climber, and they're often designed to be attention-getting. All the following are listed in one of the best-known Peak District climbing guides, 'On Peak Rock':

Bent Crack HD
Britt's Cleavage E2
Brutality E1
Charm E3
Cream Team Special E5
Dangerous Crocodile Snogging E7
Debauchery E1
Decadence E4
Easy Action E1
Emma's Dilemma HS
Emotional Rescue E5
Fear of Flying E1
Future Primitive E5
Indecent Exposure E6
Kink E5
Neptune's Tool E5
No Pain, No Gain E5
Obscenity VS
Oedipus! Ring Your Mother E4
Private Gripped E6
Prostration HVS
Pussy Galore E3
Queersville HVS
Reticent Mass Murderer E5
Rippemoff E3
Sodom HVS
Stranger than Friction E3
Stuffed Badger E5
Trampled Underfoot E4
Twisted Smile HVS
Unprintable E1
Vibrator E2

Thus for example:
'We were going to go to queersville but as it turned out we tried pussy galore instead...'
'We had a go at Britt's cleavage - you really have to grope around for things to hold onto...'
'We spent the day doing dangerous crocodile snogging - the worst part was getting started, the further you go, the easier it gets...'

The difficulty codes listed next to each climb stand for Hard Difficult, Hard Severe, Hard Very Severe, Extreme 1, Extreme 2, etc... I confess I haven't climbed properly for ages, so I couldn't even do Debauchery without getting back in practice. I'm just stuck with Obscenity, I guess. Or Sodom, Queersville or Twisted Smile...

Also thinks - if you want to make your local area more interesting, start creating climbing-type names for roads and places, and persuade your friends to use them. Oh, so you do that already, do you? I might have guessed.

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